You don't need any complicated conditionals. The “question class” concept and the option use-<classes>=... should actually suffice.
If I understand correctly in the handout version you only want to print questions with user=b while in the other version both user=b and user=t may be printed?
Then you can use \SetupExSheets{use-users={b}} in the handout version and \SetupExSheets{use-users={b,t}} in the other one. If you prefer a switch I'd use a simple \newif\ifhandout and make the setup dependent on it's setting:
\documentclass {tufte-book}
\usepackage{exsheets}
\DeclareQuestionClass{user}{users}
% new switch:
\newif\ifhandout
% set the switch:
\handoutfalse
% \handouttrue
\ifhandout
\SetupExSheets{use-users={b}}
\else
\SetupExSheets{use-users={b,t}}
\fi
\begin{document}
\begin{question}[user=b]
I'm in both versions
\end{question}
\begin{question}[user=t]
I'm not in the handout version
\end{question}
\end{document}
Reading the comments you probably want something else. The following defines a new question/solution pair lecture/lecturesol which has the default option print=false if the handout switch is set to true so the corresponding exercises only are printed in the lecture notes:
\documentclass {tufte-book}
\usepackage{exsheets}
% new switch:
\newif\ifhandout
% set the switch:
\handoutfalse % this is set by default but doesn't hurt to be set explicitly either
% \handouttrue
\ifhandout
\NewQuSolPair{lecture}[print=false]{lecturesol}
\else
\NewQuSolPair{lecture}{lecturesol}
\fi
\begin{document}
\section{Exercises}
\begin{question}
I'm both in the lecture \emph{and} the handout version.
\end{question}
\begin{solution}
Solution to exercise one.
\end{solution}
\begin{lecture}
I'm only in the lecture version but not in the handout version.
\end{lecture}
\begin{lecturesol}
Solution to exercise two.
\end{lecturesol}
\begin{question}
I'm both in the lecture \emph{and} the handout version.
\end{question}
\begin{solution}
Solution to exercise three.
\end{solution}
\begin{lecture}
I'm only in the lecture version but not in the handout version.
\end{lecture}
\begin{lecturesol}
Solution to exercise four.
\end{lecturesol}
\section{Solutions}
\printsolutions
\end{document}
With \handoutfalse:

With \handouttrue:

Trying to clear up the confusion: »properties« are not the same as options! Options usually are set up with \SetupExSheets or if necessary with the optional argument.
Properties either are set up automatically -- this is only true for some predefined properties like counter, subtitle or question-body -- or must be set explicitly with \SetQuestionProperties in the question body of the corresponding question.
twhy don't you change the line\SetupExSheets{use-users={b,t}}intoSetupExSheets{use-users={b}}? That's actually the main reason why the “question class” concept exists... – cgnieder Aug 08 '14 at 21:18